HONEST WORK
When I moved back to New Jersey in 2017, I had a lot of decisions to make about my life. I had just made one of the biggest ones at that time by leaving NYC, my home for the previous 12 1/2 years. I was ready to move away from urban life and seek a bit more space and a bit more peace. My reiki practice had only grown to a part time endeavor at that point, and I had committed to returning to my hometown to help my mom pack up her house. I put off most of the decision making for the first few weeks to just faff around...do a bit of wandering...making the transition feel like an actual transition. Eventually the faffing stopped, and at the top of my TODO list was
GET A JOB.
Hospitality was the easy answer. I had spent nearly 20 years weaving in and out of this field and overall had a great time. It was hard on the body and often on the spirit, but I had made the friends of a lifetime because I worked in restaurants. And because shift work of this kind has a level of flexibility to it, those of us drawn to other pursuits could pick and choose our level of commitment to the job.
So I went to get a restaurant position. I had enough experience and accolades in the industry that I had "no worries" as I got in my car and drove to the interview, listening to Hamilton, singing out loud during a commute for the first time in over 12 years! Two hours later, I had a serving position and was more or less ready to start my New Jersey chapter.
The job training was a breeze, and I was on autopilot for all of it. I would get in the car, crank Hamilton and go to work. I'd park, head in for a preshift meeting where I would listen to the chef/owner and my new teammates fall into their rhythm. I would try to join them...to shift out of autopilot. I would smile, tell myself to be thankful for a job where I worked with nice people in a nice town with nice food and nice guests. But I wasn't able to settle for some reason, so I would stay on autopilot throughout the shift and head home to wake up and do it again. As the days arrived when I had a scheduled shift, and I would get it my car and crank Hamilton, I noticed that the closer I would get to the restaurant, the more anxious I would feel. (Even Lin Manuel Miranda wasn't awesome enough to drown it out.) I had a shift to get through, so I disconnected and got through it.
...Until I didn't.
"Integrity is telling myself the truth..."
-Spencer Johnson
It's amazing to me how truth, once we acknowledge it on any level, will not stay hidden. When I was attuned for Reiki back in 2012 and again in 2013 and 2017 (Level 1, 2, and Master), I was asking for the truth...the truth of myself, the unfurling of my joy, the clarity of what was right for me...100% authenticity and honesty.
So the truth gave me that. It whispered to me as I shifted into autopilot every single shift; it spoke up in an anxiety that a broadway musical could not crush, and eventually, it had to scream at me. One day and one mile away from that parking lot, I began to cry. I didn't totally understand why, but I finally heard myself. All that was left to do was to listen, so I pulled into the parking lot, called the restaurant, and resigned. (Normally, I would have "done my work honestly" by giving 2 weeks notice...)
I don't believe that doing our work honestly is only about telling the truth at work, showing up on time, and treating everyone with kindness. These are givens, but they are not the whole story. What about you? Are you able to show up to your work (in whatever form this takes) and feel like you are being true to yourself? The first job I took when I moved back to NJ was a mismatch. Looking back, I knew it the second I accepted the position. It just didn't feel right, and I had come to far in my authenticity journey to turn down my inner voice. So once I listened, I had to pivot.
I found a better fit within the week...in the same industry but with a different energy. I knew it the moment I walked into the building, because I was inner listening. I brought my truth with me and I stayed present and trusted my inner voice. So on a work day, I felt like me when I got into the car, when I jammed to Hamilton, and when I clocked in. It wasn't a forever job, but it was the right "for now" job.
When I think of the principle "JUST FOR TODAY, I WILL DO MY WORK HONESTLY", this is what it means to me. It has taught me to seek my best life, and that I can always choose again in search of my honest and authentic self. I hope that we all have opportunities to seek this for ourselves.
